


Last December

by froghyuka



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, Getting Back Together, M/M, Memories, Post-breakup, i dont know why i did this, im sorry, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froghyuka/pseuds/froghyuka
Summary: Memories that Soobin wishes he could forget.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	Last December

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading this while listening to Last December by Nina Nesbitt because that's what inspired this <3

Soobin hates the summer. He hates the warmth, the brightness, and the happiness of it all. Nothing grates him like the look of sheer joy on everyone’s face. 

But he hasn’t always been this way. Summer used to be his favorite. Summer used to glow for Soobin. Until he fell in love in the heart of winter and decided that summer was overrated. Suddenly, Soobin would rather stay warm by the fireplace with hot chocolate and his favorite boy instead of being outside in the blistering heat. He loved getting frostbite because he didn’t want to wear gloves while they held hands; he’d rather bear the pain than be a fraction of an inch further from his love. From Yeonjun. The boy who lit his world on fire when everything else was frozen. 

But now, for as much as he hates summer, Soobin hates winter even more. He hates it with every cell in his body. Especially December. Because he didn’t know it at the time- he couldn’t recognize the feeling- but December is when he really fell in love. And now that love is gone. Not the feeling, no, that still haunts Soobin every day. But the object of his love is gone, out of Soobin’s life forever. And Soobin just let him walk out. 

Now, every season is tainted with memories of Yeonjun. Memories and moments that Soobin wishes would’ve left when Yeonjun did. 

Fall is ruined because that’s when they met. They had sat near each other in class, Soobin always admiring from afar. Always too cowardly to make a move. Luckily, Yeonjun had been braver than Soobin. Passing little notes, whispering secrets in a crowded lecture hall, praying there was no echo. Sitting under the big oak tree on campus, doing their homework, and watching the leaves fall around them. Soobin remembers one particularly strong gust of wind. It knocked so many leaves from their branches, and they fluttered down to the pair. But Soobin wasn’t watching the leaves. Soobin stared at Yeonjun, whose eyes were filled with wonder watching the sight. With his dark brown hair and matching eyes, Soobin thought Yeonjun looked like a fall fairy.

So naturally, now Soobin hates wind. And fairies.

Winter was beautiful, every ice crystal a diamond in Soobin’s eyes. As the snow started to fall, and their classes came to an end, Yeonjun and Soobin made up endless excuses to see each other. First, they wanted to be together when their final grades came out since they took the class and worked on most of the assignments together. Then Yeonjun “accidentally” left something at Soobin’s place, so he had to come back and see him. Then, they didn’t need to make excuses. They both knew they wanted to see each other, and there was no point in hiding it anymore. 

One particular memory, Soobin’s favorite- or now, least favorite- still sears into his brain every day. He was at Yeonjun’s, and it was late, and Soobin knew he should probably get going if he wanted to get enough sleep. But when he looked out the window, it was clear he wouldn’t be going anywhere. 

“Snowed in?” Yeonjun asked, peering over Soobin’s shoulder. “Too bad, I guess you have to stay.” The smile on Yeonjun’s face was so big, Soobin was sure Yeonjun had control of the weather.

They stayed up talking, and waiting for the snow to stop, both secretly hoping it wouldn’t. Soobin still doesn’t know how it happened. Maybe it was because they were tired, and their inhibitions and pretenses were as exhausted as they were. Maybe the snow was a sign from the universe, and they both knew they’d be fools to ignore the universe. But it wasn’t the universe that held their eye contact for a moment too long after their delirious laughter faded away. It wasn’t the universe that closed the space between them. And it _certainly_ wasn’t the universe that made Soobin kiss him back with a ferocity that even Soobin wasn’t expecting. No, that was all Soobin. He caved in entirely, turning his body to face Yeonjun. They moved in sync, and with an energy that could power a whole city. He remembers biting Yeonjun’s lip, not on purpose, but because his own eagerness and inexperience caused him to fumble through his movements. Yeonjun breathed out a laugh, a small puff of air through his nose that tickled the skin above Soobin’s cupid’s bow. Soobin touches that spot now, like he can still feel the memory. He winces when he thinks about the rest of that night. How they shared Yeonjun’s bed, big enough that they could sleep without touching each other, but small enough that Soobin never had to worry about Yeonjun being too far.

Soobin’s own bed is far too small and far too empty.

It hurts for Soobin to remember spring, but not as much as it hurt to live through it. All the good memories are overshadowed by one very bad one. 

They’d just taken their midterms, and were celebrating at Soobin’s place, just the two of them. Yeonjun had snuck in some cheap alcohol under his jacket. They were both old enough to drink, but they still acted like they weren’t because the forbiddenness of it all was half the fun. 

Soobin wasn’t sure how many drinks he had had when it all started. He knew he was past buzzed, but he hadn’t yet reached his limit. He was at the stage where most people get bolder, but that never happens for Soobin. To this day, alcohol makes him more nervous and cautious than he already is. That’s why he doesn’t drink very often, but he was with Yeonjun, so he had nothing to be worried about. 

Soobin doesn’t remember exactly how it all went down, and he doesn’t know if that’s because of alcohol or self-preservation. What he does remember is blurry and tear-stained. They had started arguing about who knows what, something foolish, something insignificant, but that seemed so vital to them in their current state. 

And it all boiled down to, “Soobin, do you even love me?”

Soobin. Not Bin, or Binnie, or Soobinie. Soobin. 

Yes. He knows now that’s what he should have said. He knows now that was his answer.

He just didn’t know it at the time. 

He just stood there, lips quivering, eyes welling. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to admit to something he wasn’t sure of, didn’t want Yeonjun to think they were moving too fast. And he was mad at Yeonjun for this stupid, pointless argument. A thousand scenarios ran through his head, and the drinks magnified all that. So he said nothing. 

Yeonjun had his answer. 

When he left, Soobin made no attempts to make him stay.

It took Yeonjun leaving, walking away, for Soobin to realize he was in love. Had been since last December. Once he was gone, Soobin felt his absence like a weight, and that’s how he knew.

It’s been a few months, but it still hurts every day. And he swears he sees Yeonjun everywhere he goes. The ghost of what could have been.

And now the seasons have changed again. Summer hurts because he never got to experience it with Yeonjun. All the fair dates, beach days, and camping trips they had planned. They’d never happen now.

Soobin looks up from the ground as he walks, and catches sight of a flash of blue hair. His mirages are getting more and more realistic. Yeonjun never had blue hair when they were together, but Soobin still looks at Yeonjun’s profiles, and he saw when Yeonjun had posted pictures of his new look. To Soobin, it felt like a final blow, the death of the Yeonjun he’d been when he was with Soobin. 

But this apparition is so life-like, so real. 

Soobin decides to be brave, for once in his life. Just in case.

“Yeonjun!”

The blue head turns around at his name. This time, he’s not a figment of Soobin’s imagination.

The older boy breaks into a smile that sends Soobin’s heart tumbling like it did all those months ago.

“Soobinie!” Yeonjun says like no time has passed at all. Like it’s still last December.

But it’s not. That was then, and this is now, Soobin chides himself. Still, there’s a new, different voice in his head saying something else. It’s telling him that now is as good a time as any to start over.


End file.
